CommunityFortress

Hello, hello, mutated is back with a vengenance to bring you coverage of the UBER UPDATE! If you were standing, please, sit down and relax as we throw down everything we know (and some things we don't) about the 218th patch!

We'll start with the most obvious addition to the game: weapons!

Black Market Business - Heavy

Tomislav - This little guy is a minigun with a 75% faster, silent wind-up, but it fires 20% slower. Right now, I'll be honest, it's a beast. I can't find the chart at the moment, but I've been told it outdamages the Minigun for four complete seconds. It also enables Heavies to be even more nimble than they already were with the GRU and Steak. I'm expecting a nerf in the near future.

Family Business - A new secondary unlock that isn't a food? Remarkable! It carries 8 shots at once, but deals 15% less damage. The Sandvich is still the secondary of choice in most situations, and this little number isn't quite the quick-reflex shot like the Shotgun is, with its reduced damage. If you've got time to pump out eight shots, don't you have time to spin up your minigun (especially the Tomislav)? Probably underpowered in the long run.

Eviction Notice - A pair of brass knuckles that swing 50% faster, but deal 60% less damage. Again, this isn't bad compared to the Fists, per se, but it loses out to the melee power creep that the Heavy suffers from. It can't match the GRU or FoS in terms of game effectiveness, which unfortunately condemns it.

The Man of Honor - Spy

Enforcer - This swanky new revolver deals 20% more damage, but increases the time required to cloak yourself. First impressions give it a good look, as it can take down Scouts and Medics a shot or two faster than the Revolver, and without the aim of the Ambassador. Whether or not the cloak nerf will play out as balancing or not remains to be seen, but this feels like another decent sidegrade.

Big Earner - A new knife that cuts your health down to 100, but you regain 30% of your cloak on every kill. Notable is that any kill, not just a backstab, refills the cloak meter. It's a big change to Spy play, especially when paired with a solid Dead Ringer. Giving a lightweight class less health is a large gamble to play for more cloak, but don't count it out yet.

Lawrence of Australia - Sniper

Bazaar Bargain - This new Sniper Rifle has a base charge rate of -20 over the Sniper Rifle. However, each conescutive headshot increases the charge by 10, and bodyshots decrease it by 10. Missing resets the charge to -20. I honestly think this weapon will be an overpowered cannon in the hands of good, career Snipers and useless in the hands of everyone else. Pulling off two consecutive headshots just to break even seems a little janky, and subtracting charge bonuses on bodyshots seems a little janky also. It could be useful in competitive play, but I foresee a buff to this in the near future.

Shahansha - A new melee unlock for the Sniper that is essentially a simplified Equalizer. You deal 25% more damage when you're below half health, and 25% less damage when you're above half health. It's an average weapon, and I don't see any major changes to playstyle - whether or not you use it over the Kukri is personal preference, though the Bushwacka is a bit more reliable.

One Thousand and One Demoknights - Demoman

Splendid Screen - This secondary slot shield provides half the resistances the Targe does, but it can crit at any range and has a much increased charge impact damage. Like the Targe, this won't be used much in competitive play. Solid Snake has rocked the Targe before (and I actually mention this in my next article!), but it is overall a weaker choice when compared to the good old stickybombs.

Persian Persuader - Another sword for the Demoman? This one is pretty unique - your charge rate is increased twofold, and all the ammo you collect turns into health. This is really a Demoknight-only weapon - grenades don't just magically appear, you know. It's a fun thing to mess around with, but again I don't see it being used in serious contexts.

Ali Baba's Wee Booties - My personal favorite unlock in the pack, this removes the Grenade Launcher but gives the wearer 25 more health and allows them to curve their charge! Using this in combination with either shield gives you immense power with the charge, if you can control it successfully. The entire set is really meant to be used together, though the Screen can stand on its own nicely.

The #1 Fan - Scout

Soda Popper - This Scattergun replacement increases reload speed by 25% and fires 50% faster. It carries only two shots, like the FaN, but builds up a hype meter as you run. This is the weapon I've had the most time to mess around with, and it's a blast. The hype meter only builds while you're holding the weapon, and automatically deploys minicrits for ALL your weapons at the end of the charge. I honestly think it's overpowered at the moment, as you can almost charge the entire meter just by running to mid on 5CP maps. It's a blast to play with as long as you can control your timing.

Winger - A secondary Pistol replacement? Didn't I already make this joke? This pistol only loads 5 shots, but deals 15% more damage. It's a bit underpowered at the moment, as the Pistol only compensates for having terrible spread with 12 shots in a magazine. Dealing 2 to 3 more damage per shot doesn't mean much if you can't land every hit.

Atomizer - This new Scout bat allows the wielder to triple jump! However, on a triple jump, you lose 10 health, and this all comes at the cost of 30% slower swinging and -20% damage done. This is an interesting weapon - combined with the FaN it allows you to quadruple jump. Whether or not the triple / quadruple jump allows for wider strategies on maps remains to be seen. 10 damage is a decent amount, and losing a lot of effectiveness in your melee could be a risk.

Airborne Armaments - Soldier

Liberty Launcher - This new Rocket Launcher shoots rockets 40% faster, but only loads 3 rockets. A sick cross between the Direct Hit and the Black Box, it doesn't really excel at either. Used in combination with a good shotgun, it could be a formidable force, but so far I'm not convinced it's useful.

Reserve Shooter - Instead of making the Shotgun unlock joke again, I'll just tell you that this shotgun deals minicrits on airborne targets within three seconds of switching to it, as well as boosting your weapon switch speed. It only carries 3 shells at once, however. This weapon might be the next big debate in competitive play, as it shuts down jumping Scouts and even jumping Soldiers to a point, but fails after three shots. The weapon switch speed could be the difference maker here.

Market Gardener - Again with a combination, this half pickaxe, half shovel... thing crits when the wielder is rocket jumping, but does not crit otherwise. The analysis on this is short and sweet - the Shovel was already ruined by the Equalizer, and the Equalizer is still the king of Soldier melees. Exceptions exist, as pocket Soldiers might find a reason to finally ditch their old Shovel, but it ultimately won't change the game much.

The General's Formals - Soldier

Mantreads - These secondary slot boots reduce the push force you receive from explosions (though not airblasts, if I'm told correctly) by 75%. They also deal three times the falling damage you take to any player you land on. Like the Market Gardener, I don't see this becoming useful. Why aren't you shooting rockets instead of stomping faces? The push force is something I haven't had time to look at, though I am wary of its usefulness as it still takes away your secondary slot.

Disciplinary Action - Leave your BDSM jokes at home and think about the stats on this one - you deal 25% less damage, but you and whichever teammate you hit move faster for several seconds. The jury is still debating on this one - how long the effect lasts and how much speed is boosted makes all the difference in the world. Having a fast Heavy, or a lightspeed Scout, is a scary thought.

The Clinical Trial - Medic

Overdose - This new syringe gun deals 10% less damage, but increases the Medic's speed as his Ubercharge increases, up to  +10%. Dealing 1 fewer damage per shot is a kick in the pants for any stranded Medic, as the fallback weapon is nearly always a good Syringe Gun. However, the increased speed may make an escape in the first place more viable. This could be an acceptable sidegrade.

Quick-Fix - A new medigun, fully tested and fresh from the Beta, increases your heal rate by 40%, your Ubercharge rate by 25%, and your speed to Scout speed while healing a Scout. The Uber for the Quick-Fix increases healing rate by 300% and grants immunity to anything impairing your movement. However, you can't overheal. This is a great weapon for crowded servers and Medic whores in general - keeping your team in fighting shape is always important. However, like the Kritzkrieg before it, it can't match the invincible deathcharge of the Medigun in terms of safety. It'll be a good Kritzkrieg alternative, for sure, but that will be the highest status attained.

Solemn Vow - In another attempt to remove the Bonesaw from ever being useful, this marvelous bust of Hippocrates allows the wielder to see enemy health. Like all the Medic melees before it, it's fine and dandy, but a talkative and well-coordinated team can compensate for one person seeing health, and it ain't no Ubersaw.

And for Pyro:

Detonator - Beta-tested, full game approved. Your flares now explode on right-click, which allows for group damage as well as flare-jumping. You take 25% more damage from your own explosions, though. I think this really has the potential to make Pyro more valid in competitive play, being mobile really opens up ambush potential. I can't be sure, but I believe the Detonator carries the old "minicrit on burning targets" attribute of the old Flare Gun instead of always critting, which helps keep the Flare Gun valid for raw damage potential.

Other patch notes:

The Chargin' Targe as well as the Splendid Screen have received buffs to their usefullness.  If you cancel a charge before the meter is empty, you resume recharging the meter instead of emptying it. This also applies if you're airblasted out of the way by a Pyro. Also, you can charge in mid-air, and get your charge back from a resupply cabinet. Nothing major, but it tightens shield gameplay.

Strange weapons have been added. To my current knowledge (aka the Wiki's current knowledge), any weapon can be found in Strange quality in any of the new crates, and they track kills. As you kill more people with them, the prefix increases, from Strange to Unremarkable to "Hale's Own".

Crafting has been changed to a simpler interface, which I personally dislike. It probably is easier for a new player, though. The interface in general has been redesigned and reimagined for the casual player in mind.

There's also some new hats, including one if you bought the game and one if someone mentions you after they buy the game. There's also new paints and taunts which are apparently purchase-only. On top of all that, yes, Team Fortress 2 is free to play!

Questions on the Uber Update? Bothered by all these young whippersnappers entering your precious game? Have a correction to something I asserted? Comments, if you please!